Turkey.....last summer

These are just a tiny selection of the hundreds of photos I took on our trip to Turkey last summer. I've been holding out to post them because I wanted to create a wee movie with them. Well...I did it, but the quality is not the greatest (of the pictures once they are uploaded to youtube) so whilst I ponder over my next step....I wanted to give you a wee sneak peek.

Hope you enjoyed! Already looking forward to summer 2012.....

I am....

Two of the most powerful words in the English dictionaries.

I am sensitive.

That has been my thing and these words have helped create my existence.

I have spent multiple years not just excusing myself to others for being sensitive, but telling myself I am sensitive. I've called myself into the realm of being sensitive. The more I told myself and others I was sensitive, the more and more sensitive I became. Associated with sensitive is fragile and associated with fragile is weak. And so by calling myself sensitive, I have now deemed myself as fragile and weak (subconsciously?).
Why did I do 'I am sensitive?' Quite possibly because I was looking to be cared for and wrapped up in cotton wool.

Am I sensitive? - no, Am I fragile? - no, Am I weak? - most certainly not!

I CAN be all these things as I'm a human being who reacts to how I feel. I can be all these things because I care about others feelings, I'm not afraid to cry, to feel hurt, or to acknowledge when things have defeated me.

But I am actually a very strong woman!

And by using these very powerful words, I will be able to bring myself and my life into a new realm of existence and open the door to a whole world of opportunities.

Think about the language you use to describe yourself.
And I dare you to also think about how why you do your 'I am.....'

Footnote:
For making this realization, I will not become a different person.
I will simply choose my word with more precision for I am aware of how powerful our words are.

Am I honest?

So I just want to clear something up. Despite my last post - I definitely engage in honest relationships with those people around me. Talking is my favourite form of therapy, hence the reason why I share with those around me whether I be feeling happy, upset, anxious, excited or otherwise. I expose my faults and my flaws and I celebrate my strengths. My family and friends know pretty much anything that happens in my life. And while thats hardest with my dad (lets face it, whose parents want to hear when they are heartbroken) its also not hard, because my dad is receptive and loving (AND I LOVE HIM!).

So what have I learnt? I have learnt that I am not always 100% honest with myself. This is a problem and I know I'm not alone on perfecting this ability. We humans, if we want something bad enough, we are able to convince ourselves that the position we find ourselves in will work itself out. That guy who doesn't quite fit the ticklist, he has this, he has that....then he fits. Same goes for jobs, friends, you name it. Its never our fault and we are never wrong. Never. We are able to trick ourselves into thinking everything is okay. That other people who point these things out to us are wrong also. And we are right about that. Never ever wrong.

But heres the thing. We know and realise when things fall apart in most avenues - that we in fact knew this was destined to happen all along. Yip thats right, we can have honest relationships with the people in our lives, but when it comes to us, to number 1 - why is it we don't follow these same principles?

The same goes for Integrity. All integrity is is KEEPING YOUR WORD. Yes, you very well may be reading this and thinking - 'I have integrity! I keep my word! I follow things through.'
But give this time to sink in. Keeping your word.

Do you keep your word to yourself? Think about it.
Do you spring out of bed in the morning when your alarm goes off for the gym? Or do you hit snooze and roll over?
Do you promise to never allow yourself to be treated with less that 100% love and respect? Or do you slowly but surely, drop your standards?
Do you tell yourself, tomorrow you'll quit your job? Tomorrow you'll make that phone call? Tomorrow you'll change your life? Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Its easy to keep your word to others. Its harder to keep your word with yourself.
Its easy to be honest with others. Its harder again, to be honest with yourself.

Its not hard to change this though, the first step is recognising these notions. The next is keeping them in mind during your day to day life.

Honesty and Integrity. Its what its all about.

The start of something new

The Landmark Forum was absolutely life changing for me.

My perspective of human beings and the way in which we live our lives will never be the same. I now get (and not just understand) that we are all just the same, all of us are just trying to get along and do our best, we play our parts and at the end of the day-each of us suffers from the same doubts and fears as the other. We walk down the street, concerned with how we look, we talk to strangers without noticing the accuracy in which we deliver our speech. We hide our faults and cover our backs. The fact we all share similar fears and insecurities enters very few peoples minds. We are so consumed with ourselves, we don't think for a second that someone else may feel the same as we do.

Think about how honest we really are with one another...how easy is it to tell the truth when it will make us look bad? Its hard! It doesn't come naturally! We've lived our lives blaming and pointing fingers at anyone but ourselves. Not many of us are good at sacrificing how we look for the sake of the truth - and dare I ask, how many of us do summon the courage to do just that?

I always felt I was honest (and I think I mostly am!) but my fear of hurting others, offending others or simply ruffling a few feathers, has certainly impacted the conversations I have had daily for most of my life. This doesn't mean to say I will be shooting from the hip from now on, it just means I get that in taking part in these unauthentic conversations, little by little, I sacrifice myself. I've noticed that now I am truly aware of just how authentic and honest the words I choose are.

Try it tomorrow! Whenever you speak or even send a text message - have you choosen your words or let the words roll off your tounge? 'Today was horrible without you' has a completely different meaning to 'Today was just not the same without you.' It may not be a challenging change to make to your words - but the meaning is different - and its essentially our words that give the facts. Its the facts (not our feelings or use of emotive language) that tells it as it is. And isn't that what we all want, in all conversations and aspects of life - to really know, exactly how it is?! Try answering direct questions from your boss/parents/partner/friends/flatmates (the list goes on) and then see how challenging being truly authentic really is!

And this is JUST the beginning!

Even though I took what I got, understood and made sense of at the Landmark Forum and that which I didn't, I left behind - it has absolutely consumed me (or I have been consumed by it).
I spent 11 hours on Friday, Saturday and Sunday in the company of fellow human beings, engaging in honest and authentic conversations. Nice-ities such as 'How are you' and 'Isn't the weather divine' were replaced with open and engaging discussions about life. The sharing was empowering as were the people who had the courage to be authentic.

As I said, this is only the beginning!

Pre Landmark

Tomorrow is the first day of my Landmark Education course and I just couldn't let this moment pass by without writing about it. I just have this sneaky suspicion that its going to have quite the impact on my life and the decisions I make.

Its hard for me to even describe what exactly 'Landmark' is, or what I will be doing.... but I've found this paragraph that sums it up nicely:


The Landmark Forum provides a breakthrough in the technology of living powerfully, living effectively, living an extraordinary life. It is a penetrating, challenging, and practical inquiry into the issues at the heart of our lives- communication, relationships, happiness and satisfaction. It results in an extraordinary advantage in performance, creativity and self-expression. In the Landmark Forum, you break through the confines of even the best of conventional modes o thinking; you are able to leave the past in the past, to step beyond the limits of your identity, and to move into a future mapped by what is possible. Breakthroughs, instead of being random or inexplicable accidents, become something you cause to happen.

Incredible right?!

I'm feeling such a range of emotions for such a variety of reasons.
Anxiety, excitement, fear....butterflies, butterflies, butterflies.

I dare say the next 3 and 1/2 days will be amongst the toughest mentally that I could experience. It shall be worth it though.

I just know it.

Fairly deep for a lazy Sunday!

I've had to do a lot of soul searching recently, not that I'm one to hide away from this, but I think more so than ever, I've had to look quite deeply and intently at some of my own actions, and I guess reactions. I really don't feel this to be a bad thing however, and I really feel that in every aspect of life one should be reflective. Reflection gives us the power to learn things and move on in whichever direction for the better. Once one stops being reflective, I believe one comes to a stand still and loses the ability to make the most of all that is put in front of us. And even more so, we cease to see those opportunities that may be partially obscured. Often these are the best opportunities too, the ones we could have just missed had it not been for the fact that our eyes were open and our minds were aware.

This soul searching and this reflection is far from over, and those who know me well will know that I tend to be in this state fairly regularly, simply because I am a thinker! I am in the process of enrolling in a self-development course through Landmark Education. My friend Tracey is an avid believer in it, and Thomas and I went to an introduction evening a while back and I have felt it tugging at the corners of my mind ever since. I will be filling you in on how it goes afterwards but I am so looking forward to discovering and enlightening myself further.

Anyway-I have some of the most amaaaaaaazing amazing people in my life. The people who sit and listen, who think, speak, care, question and sometimes are (slightly!) cruel to be kind. These people mean the world. The people who allow us to be ourselves, allow us to make mistakes and help us to learn from them, and who love us regardless of any flaws. I like to think I can offer these qualities back in my relationships with others, and I sure do try to!

I'm allowing myself to ride this experience and learn from it. Life after all, is about learning, and its about choosing to live that extraordinary life.

Life right now

Life is too short to wake up with regrets..

So love the people who treat you right..

Forget about the ones who don't..

Believe everything happens for a reason

This is the latest quote I have receieved from my step mum and my goodness how it resonates and reflects my way of thinking at this minute.

I am feeling positive, I am making some positive changes, I am reminding myself of all I am grateful for...... and the Blog Weaver will be posting much more news and photos shortly.

Watch this space.....

(And heres a sneak wee preview of some special people who I am missing so so dearly, and will be blogging more about soon!)